Have you ever felt like a fraud?
I feel sick. My heart is pounding like it’s about to explode out of my chest. I can feel the fear rising up in my body like hot volcanic lava. My throat feels like it’s starting to close over. I won’t be able to breathe.
What was I thinking…?!! They’re going to find me out. They’re going to find out that I’m a total fraud and don’t really know what I’m talking about. I’m going to look like a complete idiot. Who am I… to talk to all these awesome women about effective leadership? I can’t do this. I’m going to cancel the event…
This is how one of our clients felt a few days before they delivered their first ever webinar to 80 female senior leaders in the pharmaceutical industry.
This is what Imposter Syndrome can feel and sound like.
It’s incredibly common and can impact anyone. Even people you wouldn’t consider, like world leaders, award-winning actors and best-selling authors suffer with Imposter Syndrome. However, it’s particularly common in women and especially high-achieving women.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
It’s a feeling of being a fraud or a fake, when you’re actually not. It’s often accompanied by a collection of feelings or beliefs around the idea on ‘not being good enough’.
It’s also described as a collection of limiting beliefs. These are stories we tell ourselves that aren’t true and can hold us back in many areas of our lives. They’re often formed from past experiences or societal expectations. As an example, we live in a society that praises and rewards extroverted behaviours like being outgoing, sociable, talkative, expressive and action-oriented so if you’re a natural introvert you might have a belief that ‘I’m no good at fitting in’. Or if your secondary school maths teacher was critical of your work you might now believe that you’re ‘rubbish with anything financial’.
It’s also our ability to internalise or accept our success. We think that winning that new contract or reaching that £2million turnover goal was just ‘lucky’ rather than being a reflection of talent. The actor Jodie Foster thought it was a fluke when she won an Academy Award for Best Actress, and the highly-acclaimed author Maya Angelou thinks “uh oh, they’re gonna find me out” with every new book release. If you’ve ever watched a Jodie Foster film or read one of Maya Angelou’s books, you’ll know this to be untrue.
Ultimately, Imposter Syndrome can undermine our confidence and create self-doubt, which can lead to stress responses, anxiety and unhelpful behaviours.
How to Handle Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome is only a problem if it’s causing the issues above and holding you back from doing what you really want to do. It’s not something that can be ‘cured’ and it will never disappear completely. But it is something that can be managed with the right tools.
Dr Joanna Martin, founder of One of Many™, a transformational leadership organisation recommends the following;
- Reach out
Having someone to talk to when Imposter Syndrome strikes is a great idea. Who is that person that genuinely has your back and you can always count on for support? That person who sees your strengths and will remind you of them when you’re doubting yourself. Perhaps it’s your partner, sister, brother, friend or someone in your team? - Read over your bio
As a business owner and entrepreneur, you’re likely to have a bio you share. Looking at how you present the facts of what you’ve achieved to others is a great way to remind yourself of just how great you really are.
And to build on Jo’s recommendation why not get creative and make a list of all of your qualifications, skills, strengths, the value you bring, what positive feedback you’ve had consistently throughout your life. Look at personality or strengths profiles you’ve done. Ask friends, colleagues and clients what they value most about you. Think inside and outside your business. Get really clear on the unique value you bring. - Keep an “I rock” file
Keep a file of thank you cards, testimonials, positive feedback, notes from your kids, and anything anyone’s ever given you that’s made you feel great. Have a look through it whenever self-doubt kicks in. - Go deeper
At a deeper level you do have to accept that you have had some role in your success. You may well have had an opportunity that others weren’t given but you need to accept that you were instrumental in being ready for that opportunity. So, spend some time accepting that success that you’ve had.
And if you need some support going deeper and letting go of any limiting beliefs that are holding you back, you might want to speak with a business or leadership coach. - It’s not about you
The final things that really helps is shifting from ‘me’ focus to ‘other’ focus. Focussing on the value that you provide and the difference you make to others really, really helps.
This was exactly what our client did. After a conversation with her coach, she managed to switch the focus away from herself on to bringing as much value as she possibly could to her attendees. She understood first-hand the challenges they faced and what would be most helpful. What they really needed. She was still a bit nervous but did it anyway. Not only did she receive brilliant feedback from the webinar attendees, but she was also on a complete high for having done it!